Body and Soul
by Maaike-OUAT
Summary: What if Snow felt guilty for Ruth's death and decided to leave Charming? Spoilers for S02E03. Snowing angst, drama and fluff. Red will make an appearance at some point.


**The second fanfic I upload today. Wow, must be some sort of record. No, just kidding, I know I owe you this. So this is the Snowing fanfic. This great what-if-concept was established by a dear friend of my, and I immediately loved it when she told me about it. **

**What if Snow felt guilty for Ruth's death, and feels that she can't stay any longer with Charming? This fic starts with some flashbacks as seen in S02E3, but will soon explain what happened after those events. I hope you guys like it. Snowing drama, angst & fluff. Red will make an appearance at some point. Snow's POV.**

**Special thanks to rolltidegoironmen for beta-ing.**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything, just this profile.**

**For Emma.**

* * *

The night that was supposed to be one of the happiest nights they would have in their lives, their wedding night, had been overshadowed by the death of Charming's mother Ruth.

The day before had been like a nightmare and a dream at the same time to say the least. King George had sent his men to attack James, and Charming, Snow and Red had a hard time outmaneuvering the bloodthirsty knights.

When there had been no escaping possible, they fought with all their might, but James couldn't prevent that his beloved Snow had been taken by one of George's assailants, Sir Lancelot.

The Knight had taken her to the castle, where Snow came face to face with the King himself.

King George had offered her a drink, that he revealed later to be poisoned. Snow was cursed, and would never be able to have children because of it.

* * *

Lying wide awake in the improvised bed of their hiding place, she can't shake off that horrible memory. The moment that made the ground drop below her feet.

She always knew she wanted to have children, and this man stole that dream. Within seconds, he had managed to kill a piece inside of her.

Tears are running down her face, as she's reliving the events of the day before.

* * *

One of George's men had thrown her off of a carriage after the King had sent them off. While lying on the forest floor, she had heard the sound of horse footsteps, and she had attacked its rider.

It had revealed to be Lancelot, and unlike Snow's expectations, the knight had turned out to be on her side. He had been willing to help her to find Charming and his mother Ruth before the King's knights would find them again.

Unfortunately, the two had arrived too late at Ruth's farm. King George's assailants already had found Charming there, and they had shot his mother with a poisoned arrow.

A dying Ruth had given Snow a medallion which was able to predict the sex of Charming and Snow's unborn baby.

It had been too painful for the former princess . Seeing the expectation in the eyes of the other woman when she had given her the medallion, was too much to bear.

Even though Ruth knew she was dying, a bright light had shone in her eyes when she was talking about the hopes and dreams she had for her son and Snow.

Snow couldn't keep the horrible truth about her curse from Charming's mother, and had told her everything.

That is why Ruth had offered the few drops of healing water from Lake Nostos that had been left, to Snow, but she had turned down the offer.

For a split second she had considered accepting the offer, but she had regretted that thought right away. How could she? She had known the water was meant to save Ruth's life. That had been the most important thing. She should be ashamed of herself for allowing such a horrible thought into her mind. It was a selfish deed to accept the water to provide her in her own happiness, while it would mean the death of her mother-in-law-to-be.

Ruth had looked at her with almost pleading eyes, but Snow had clenched her fists and had shaken her head, declining the offer.

Her entire body and soul had been screaming out of frustration. She had just turned down the only way to lift her curse, and to be able to have children.

Besides her own pain, she had no idea how to tell Charming. The news that she was cursed would've devastate him as much as it had done to her. They had shared the dream to have children. He always wanted to have a son so bad.

Ruth had taken the last drops of Lake Nostos' water, but it hadn't been able to heal her.

There had been no other way to save her, but it hadn't been her own unavoidable death that she regretted. It had been the fact that she wouldn't be able to see her son marrying Snow.

Therefore, a little wedding ceremony had been set into place. Lancelot had wedded the two, and Ruth had been able to witness one of her biggest wishes to come true.

What Snow hadn't known was that Ruth had asked Lancelot to add the water of Lake Nostos into the wedding chalice, instead of giving it to her.

Snow only had found out about this after her now mother-in-law had passed away, and when the medallion that James had given her, had started to move. It indicated that the two were going to have a baby girl.

* * *

When big drops of rain start falling from the sky and land on their tent, Snow can't shake off the memory of Charming's face when the medallion started to move.

* * *

They had just buried his mother, but a glance of pure joy had spread out on his face at the sight of the medallion moving. He had even asked Snow if she knew what the direction the medallion had moved to meant, if they would have a boy or a girl.

She had kept that information to herself.

It took her all of her strength to keep a straight face, mentally not capable of telling him the truth. That his mother had sacrificed herself for their child and possible future children. She just couldn't bring herself to tell him that, because it would break his heart.

* * *

It is three weeks later when Snow finds out that she's pregnant. That she is really pregnant.

She hears the slow breathing of her husband next to her. But it isn't the kind of breathing that he has when he's sleeping, so she's absolutely certain that he's still awake.

Suddenly, she feels his hand grabbing hers, and before she knows it, she's sweating in fear. Her heartbeat rapids. She feels like a betrayer.

She's lying next to the man whose mother just got killed, because she herself was stupid enough to accept a cup with poisoned water from King George. She had known he was pure evil, why did she accept anything from him?

''Snow?'' whispers Charming. He turns on his side so that he's facing her.

The woman keeps her eyes fixated on the ceiling of the tent.

He gently swipes a tear away that is rolling down her face.

'This is ridiculous,' thinks Snow. She should be the one comforting him. He just lost his mother. It shouldn't be the other way around.

''Everything's going to be all right.'' Charming wraps his arms around his wife. He kisses the crown of her head.

But Snow lies completely still, completely frozen and unable to move.

* * *

In the early morning, she quietly gets up and leaves the tent. She needs to think. And that's in no way possible with Charming lying next to her.

Her husband is in a deep slumber. His left arm is still placed on her bedside.

She casts a last glance on him and exits the tent.

She doesn't wear any footwear, as she enjoys the refreshing morning dew on her feet. It helps her to clear her head.

When she arrives at the little pond, the only sounds she hears are the chirping birds around her. She got used to having her feathered friends around her wherever she goes. They help her not to feel as lonely when being out by herself.

Settling down on the damp grass, she places her hands on her belly. She still can't believe that there's a human being growing inside of her. A baby girl that thanks her existence to her brave grandmother.

Snow didn't feel the joy she was supposed to be feeling. How much she had this moment pictured to be completely different.

They were supposed to be celebrating, her and Charming. Together they would tell Ruth the exciting news , and her mother-in-law would make the perfect grandmother.

Now, the entire situation had changed. Ruth was dead because of her, and she was lying to her husband about it. He was still under the assumption that the lake didn't have enough water left to save his mother. But it in fact lifted the curse Snow was under.

The right thing to do was to tell him the truth. Her own mother had taught her that she always should do the right thing, how hard it may be. But she just couldn't do it. Not yet.

* * *

The rest of the day is difficult. Snow is certain that Charming notices that something's off. She avoids his gentle approaches. She turns her head every time he's trying to give her a kiss, and she gives only curt answers to his questions. It's hard considering that they're still on the run together from King George's knights.

They try to find a different hiding place every day. She knows that it's going to be hard to travel long distances once she's in a later stage of her pregnancy.

Every opportunity to get away from her husband that occurs, she takes. Whether it's to find them some food, or to let the horses drink some water.

Every minute of the passing day, it becomes harder to face her husband, as the lie she keeps up gnaws at her.

When she has a few moments to herself again, she lets herself slide down against a tree. Her breathing is fast, and her heart beats heavily.

''You should always do the right thing, you should always do the right thing,'' echoes her mother's voice in her head over and over again.

She grabs a handful of grass and pulls it out of the ground before throwing it into the water. She hates herself for not being able to do the right thing.

After sitting there for several minutes, reliving all of the memories of the past few weeks over and over again, it's like a spark ignites inside of her. It's enough! Her self-pity should end here.

* * *

Charming looks extremely happy to see her again when she returns to camp. Relieved in a way. ''I'm glad that you're back. It took you so long, I was almost going to look for you.''

''Don't worry about me,'' she only replies. She hands him the fish that she caught in the lake not far from the place they're staying.

He looks doubtfully at the catch. ''But Snow, that's never going to be enough for the two of us.''

''I know, but it's not for me,'' she explains, avoiding the questioning eyes of Charming. ''Can I maybe talk to you for a minute?''

''Of course. Snow, what's wrong?'' The worried tone of his voice makes her feel even worse.

They sit themselves down on the grassy ground and Snow takes a deep breath. ''I've to tell you the truth about what happened.''

She tells the whole story almost in one breath, nearly afraid of breaking apart when she allows herself to reach out for oxygen. She looks at the forest floor the entire time. She tells him everything, except for the fact that she's pregnant. She can't bring herself to share that information with him.

Her final words to him almost go lost in the sobs she's expressing. She feels Charming moving away from her. He's probably disgusted with her, and she can't blame him. She's also disgusted by her actions and by herself. ''And that's why I have to leave. I can't stay with you, not after what I've caused.''

She doesn't wait for an answer and gets up. She had placed her horse next to their tent on purpose, so that she could leave the second she'd said what was needed to be said.

''Snow? Snow, what do you mean?'' Charming jumps on his feet and follows her to her horse. ''Snow! No, Snow, wait!'' he cries desperately, but to no avail.

She storms off on her horse and doesn't look back.

* * *

That evening, when darkness has rolled in, she arrives at the only place she can think of to go to.

She secures her horse against a tree, and knocks on the door of the little cottage.

The second she sees her best friend answering the door, she collapses on the cold ground.

'''Hey, hey honey, what's wrong? What's wrong?'' Red kneels down with her and holds her gently.

She buries her head in Red's shoulders and sobs unstoppably.

''Come on, we need to get you inside.'' She looks from left to right to ensure that her friend wasn't followed, and helps Snow to get up. She locks the door behind them and leads the other girl to one of the chairs of the cottage.

Granny isn't home, leaving the two girls by themselves.

Snow covers her face in her hands.

Red stays kneeled in front of her, patting Snow's knee until she calms down a bit. She offers her friend a glass of water, which Snow gratefully accepts.

After giving her another few minutes, Red asks: ''Can you tell me what happened?''

With bits and pieces Snow tells her friend about from the moment she was taken to King George's castle until what she had told Charming this afternoon. Her whole body aches, and constant shivers run up and down her spine.

''Snow, I'm…'' She's at a loss for words. ''I'm so, so sorry to hear that. You two don't deserve anything like this.'' She wipes away a tear that escaped from her friend's face.

''I just don't know what to do. I can't go back to him, I can't even face him. Besides, I won't even allow myself to go back. I made a mistake Red, a mistake that can't be undone and had the worst consequences.''

''First of all, you're going to stay here. At least for tonight. Some good night rest will help you clear your mind, and I'm sure the world looks differently in the morning. Second of all, this is _not _your fault. King George's the one to blame, not you!''

''If I wouldn't have drank from that cursed water he gave me, none of this would've happened.''

Red holds Snow's arms in a gentle, but firm grip. ''Listen to me! Listen to me Snow. You couldn't have known. And it was Ruth's choice to give you the remaining water from Lake Nostos instead of taking it herself. You can't blame yourself for her death. You just can't, okay?''

Snow just looks at her with hollow eyes. Her mind is blank, she doesn't know what to think anymore. She allows her friend to take her to Red's bedroom and settle her down on the bed.

''Get some sleep. We'll talk some more in the morning. Do you want me to stay with you?''

Snow only nods. She feels empty inside.

Red settles down beside her friend and slowly combs through Snow's hair with her fingers, just like Snow had done whenever Red felt down.

* * *

The first beams of sunlight enter the small room in the cottage and makes it glow like gold.

Snow has been awake for the last few hours and is conflicted over what her next move is going to be. She can't stay with Granny and Red forever. It's way too dangerous. This is one of the first places where King George's men will look for her and Charming. She doesn't want to jeopardize the safety of two of her dearest friends as well.

At that moment, Granny enters the bedroom with two glasses of milk and two eggs with some bread. ''Good morning Snow, I hope you had a good sleep?'' She puts down the drinks and food on a chair next to the bed.

Snow immediately feels guilty for placing Granny and Red in a position like this and starts to make apologies. ''I'm so sorry Granny for just showing up here unannounced. I didn't mean to…''

''It's okay. You helped my granddaughter so well before, this is the least we can do for you.''

''Thank you,'' she replies sincere. ''But I really should be going. It's too dangerous for me to stay here.''

''Nonsense,'' says Granny, ''you'll stay here as long as needed.''

''Yes,'' says Red groggily with her eyes still closed, ''what Granny says.''

''No, I really can't, I'm sorry,'' says Snow as she gets up.

Granny shakes her head and leaves the two girls by themselves.

''So, you're really pregnant?'' asks Red carefully as she sits up straight in the bed.

''Yes,'' whispers Snow while she quickly eats a piece of bread.

''Do you already know if it's going to be a boy or a girl?''

Finally, Snow turns her head to face Red. ''A girl,'' she smiles. She actually feels relieved to share the news with her best friend.

''That's wonderful! I'm so happy for you,'' cries Red as she wraps her arms around Snow in a warm embrace.

The other woman is slightly taken aback by the sudden action of her friend, but she can't help but laugh. ''Thank you.''

As soon as she has gathered all her belongings, she makes her way to the front door. She turns around one more time. ''Thanks for everything.''

''Are you sure I can't convince you to stay?'' asks Red.

''I'm sure.''

''Let me at least come with you. Together we're safer. We'll look out for each other.''

''I've got to do this by myself Red, but thank you.''

''And there is nothing that I can say to convince you to find your Charming? He will understand Snow, I know he will.'' She's almost desperately clinging onto the other woman's hand.

''I have to think first. I don't know what I'll do.''

''He will understand Snow,'' Red says again. She hugs her friend for the last time. ''Be careful out there.''

* * *

It has been two weeks since Snow left the safe home of Granny and Red.

Like when she was with Charming, she's constantly on the move. She builds her own shelters and finds her own food and water. Much like when she was on the run for Regina's men.

But this time she has her daughter with her. Snow has had enough time to get used to the idea of a little human being growing inside of her. She also knows that this all isn't her daughter's fault, and she's growing to love her more and more.

She catches herself talking to her unborn child more often than not. Occasionally she would put her hand on her stomach to enhance the connection between the two.

How close she's to her daughter, how far away she's from her husband. Being away from him hurts like nothing else she had ever felt. There is a gaping hole in her heart that can only be filled by his presence.

She can't think this way! She shouldn't, because she doesn't deserve him. She tries to shake off the thoughts and focusses again on preparing dinner. She roasts the fish that she caught this afternoon on the fire and looks up to the dark sky above her.

It's a clear night and stars are popping up like mushrooms. Without giving it a second thought she makes a wish as she sees the first shooting star of that night. She then eats the roasted fish in silence and goes to bed early.

She once again puts her hands on her slowly growing belly. ''Hi there,'' she whispers. ''Hi _Emma_.'' It's the first time that she says this name out loud. It has been playing around in her head for a few days and she wants to know how it feels when she just says it out loud. Surprisingly, it feels good. It feels very right actually. ''Emma,'' she says again. ''Do you like that name little one?'' Of course the fetus is still too small to actually be kicking or letting in another way know that she's in there, but somehow Snow feels that her baby girl agrees with the name.

While she's slowly massaging her belly, she closes her eyes and falls asleep.

* * *

A rustling sound awakes the brunette early the next morning. Warily, she places herself behind a rock and glances carefully over the edge to find out who the intruder is that woke her so early in the morning.

What her eyes catches then is unbelievable. She blinks twice to make sure that her mind is not fooling her.

''Snow?'' she hears. And then again, ''Snow?''

She's torn. What shall she do? Stay hidden and keep quiet, hoping that he won't notice her, or make herself known to him? She chooses for the latter. Slowly she exits the cave she was hiding in and locks her eyes to the ground.

''Snow!'' cries Charming.

''How did you find me?'' whispers the brunette.

''I always find you. Did you really think I would let you run off like that without a decent explanation?'' When there's no response from his wife, he gently lifts up her chin, so that she's forced to look at him. ''I'm not mad at you Snow. Please, you have to believe that. I just wish you would've given me the chance to react to this. You just stormed off after you explained what happened.''

The flight-instinct is taking over again. It's too painful, she can't listen to Charmings' words when she knows how much she must've hurt him. ''Charming… I… I can't. I'm sorry.'' She tries to make a run for it, but is held back by the strong grip of her husband.

''No Snow, now you need to listen to me. I'm not angry with you because of what happened. It was my mother's wish for us to have children, and she decided to choose the life of our future children over her own. You had nothing to do with that. It was her own choice.''

''I should've never accepted that drink King George offered me in the first place,'' whispers Snow, her eyes still pierced to the ground. ''I wouldn't be cursed, and more importantly, our children would've had a grandmother.''

''You were tricked. You couldn't have known that he poisoned that drink.'' Charming gently brushes a curl away from Snow's cheek. He's still trying desperately to get eye contact with her.

Does he mean all of this? Slowly she looks up to face her true love. Through the curtain of tears she can only see honesty reflected in his eyes.

''Hey,'' he says, smiling at her. ''I'm just glad I found you again.'' He cups her face in his hands and presses a soft kiss on her lips.

This is just mean. He knows how she always drowns in his beautiful ice-blue irises. But it also seems to calm her down. His reassurance removes some of the pressure she was feeling the entire time she was on the run. As he opens his arms, she sighs and leans into the embrace. The steady rhythm of his heartbeat takes away the rest of her tension. She lets herself being taking away in the moment.

Charming gently kisses the top of her head and uses his hands to draws slow circles on her back. ''It's okay, I'm here now. It's okay.''

Feeling strong enough to look up to him again, Snow lifts her head. ''Thank you,'' she whispers. ''For finding me.''

He gently wipes a tear away from her cheek. ''I'll always find you Snow.''

She suddenly takes his hands and places it on her belly. Expectantly she looks up at him.

Charming shows a dreamy glaze. ''Are you...? Snow are you...?''

The brunette only nods, terrified for his reaction.

''That's fantastic! Snow, I love you so much!'' Charming lifts his wife up in the air and whirls her around. When he puts her back down again, he touches her belly. ''That's my baby boy in there. That's our baby boy.''

''How come you're so sure it's going to be a boy?'' she asks him as she can't hide the feeling of relief that's written all over her face.

''I just know,'' he says, smiling. He leans back in again for a kiss. When their lips part: ''you're not going to tell me what it is, are you?''

''No, I'll keep that to myself.'' She has let the tension go completely and smiles at him.

* * *

That night, they're sitting at the fire. Charming holds her gently and doesn't let her out of his sight for a minute.

Snow doesn't mind. She never wants to leave him again. Lost in her own thoughts, she moves some branches in the fire with a stick.

There's still a part inside of her that feels guilty for what happened. There's no way of denying that. The difference is now she knows that Charming doesn't blame her for what happened. It's like a bandage on the wound. Her biggest fear, the fear that she can't be with her husband anymore, seems to be ill-found. However, she still has a long way to go before she can accept it herself.

She remembers her mother's words again: ''you always have to do the right thing.'' At this point, Snow knows that being together with her Prince Charming is the right thing to do. They're together now, the three of them, and there's nothing that will break them apart. She's sure of that fact with her entire body and soul. She is where she has to be.

* * *

**THE END**


End file.
